well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
