the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the condom got lost in my hair
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found your dick twin last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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