Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
