did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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