did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize