And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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