I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
