I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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