I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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