Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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