there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
