I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
