I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
