You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
