She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize