Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
