If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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