Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
