My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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