Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I would ride that face into the sunset
PANTIES FOUND
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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