I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
