12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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