dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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