omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
