the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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