It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize