Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize