I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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