What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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