***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
