What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
