not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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