Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
