Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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