mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
