I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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