Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
