remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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