mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
