we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
