Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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