Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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