4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
