I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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