My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
