I can tuck mytits in my pants
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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