That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
