my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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