Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
