I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
