how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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