only if we run a train.
done.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
