i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
