Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
