I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
