How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
