(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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