fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
