just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
