explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Houston, we have a blender
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i think my cat just said my name.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
