I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
