i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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