the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
