I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
