I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
