Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
