Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
