All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
