We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
