You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
