There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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